I’m not afraid to show my feelings. I’m just afraid those feelings aren’t mutual.
…The strongest feeling,Fear
i have never felt so lost in my life. I dont know who my bestfriends are anymore. & Brandon..brandons not the same..its like..hes losing feelings for me very slowly that the way he acts is just so Hurtful, i cant even begin to describe how depressed i am. Now i literally hide that im depressed with a smile,i trynot to show it but i cannot help it, the pain is so much stronger than its ever been </3. I feel as if i have No bestfriend anymore, because of there actions, we’re not as close. & another thing im having a problem with is trust. Trust is Very important to me, & it is very hard to earn, unless i just get a good gut feeling about a person, which rarely happens. This trust has a very big issue with my boyfriend. I will never cheat on him.Ever. & hes a great guy but i just cant get it threw my head that i can officailly trust him, its like i trust him for not cheating on me, & yea i trust him with my heart, but i feel like my heart is tearing apart piece by piece. I’m Soo scared of him hurting me…breaking my heart..losing feelings for me..not seeing me the same..=,[
To be continued…
I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him i HATE him. Smfhhhhhh, Does he really fucking love to hurt me? I’m not asking for much at ALL. It upsets me To see how little he cares about my feelings. Thanks ‘boyfriend’ thanks A lot.
*Sigh*
So much is going through my head… I haven’t felt this way in a while. So clingy, so insecure, overly dramatic, vain, rude, judgemental, lazy, doubtful, lonley, & just so empty inside. I’m just so scared of the future & what’s going to happen. I get scared wondering if me & brandon are still going to be together, but from the looks of it, it’s not going so great. It really has nothing to do with him, it’s Me. I’ve just been so Bitchy, & overprotective, & clingy that it even annoys me now. I pick a fight over anything, especailly if something isn’t going my way, it’s just like ‘My way or the High way’. I am Sick & Tired of my actions, & just the way I’ve been acting & my whole self. On top of that I’m Failing most my classes, which will not at all look good for college. I’m just a Horrible Mess, & I truely need help…without being judged by everybody. I just need someone to listen for what I have to say & nothing more, is that so much to ask for? &&&& on top of that, there is just Wayyyy too much drama in my life, Mostly with my friends…the same exact two every single freaking dayy, I’m tired of it. Everything is just Sooo off. I can’t even casually talk to brandon anymore, it’s just awkward now, we just have No Idea what to talk about, I honestly Never thought that I would get tired of it… I’m just bored about it, it makes me so depressed because I know if I feel this way than he’s deffinitly having doubts too & it honestly breaks my heart because I Truely Like him a lot, & he just Always puts up with my crap & drama that he doesn’t even need me, but..when were together.. it’s Compltely different, we can talk without it being awkward, except for the fact that I’m Very clingy, smh, & When we Kiss, oh boyy, it’s just an unexplainable feeling, the way he kisses me.. is ever so gentle
